The Dirty Noir aesthetic of Mike Monson #1-10 of 999

Okay, yes, I know this is total bullshit. Who am I to declare an aesthetic? I’ve only been writing for a year. I only have 17 stories published online and in print anthologies (mostly noir and very dirty), I have one book of these same stories (self-published, how lame is that?), my dirty noir novella isn’t even out yet (I know, 27,000 words? who am I kidding?), and, I’m barely into my first full-length novel. But, jeez, I just took a long, incredible walk in the hills above the ocean on the Big Island of Hawaii and I thought of all this shit and I feel like writing a blog and posting it because it is Saturday and I am unemployed and I want to post a blog, jeez, okay? Plus, hardly anyone looks at my website anyway (I know, I can see the stats). So fuck it, here goes.

1. If your main character is a screw-up, then really make him or her a total screw-up. Don’t mess around. Have he or she do really stupid things. Stupid things that create horrible trouble that just may end up in torture, then death, for themselves or some other person — hopefully an innocent person.

2. If you have characters that are promiscuous and non-discriminating in their sexual behaviors, then  go for it. Show them, using vivid detail, having sex all over the place that is compulsive, wrong, and completely not romantic.

3. When there is violence, when someone hurts or kills someone else, then freaking show it. Move in for a close-up. Take your time. Make the entire act as disgusting as real-life violence actually is. Make it so that the reader feels like he or she just happened upon something vicious and ugly and was forced to watch the entire thing and then feels sick afterwards.  Make them smell the blood and the piss and the shit.

4. If someone is religious then make them fake religious, you know? Make them the kind of people who are always talking about God and Jesus and Salvation and Heaven and Hell while at the same time lying and cheating and stealing and conning others, especially those closest to them, like their family. This will be true to life, which is good in a book of fiction.

5. Do not have anything magical or supernatural in the story or book. Everything must be something that is possible in real life. This is very important and check your work carefully to be sure it follows this guideline.

6. Have characters that are compulsive, i.e., people who just can’t control themselves from doing the most awful things due to said compulsions. (Sure, Mrs. Smith really wants to be on time to pick up her kid from daycare, but she just has to play online poker for just one more minute, in order to win back all the money in the family checking account she just lost–see what I mean?)

7. If someone has bad qualities, bad habits, bad characteristics — then make them really bad and freaking show it. Don’t be shy. Jeez. Show them doing horrific things, especially to the people who most love and trust them. This is especially true with parents–in dirty noir, parents almost always suck and they are always letting down their children by lying to them, using them to gain some kind of advantage, stealing from them, etc. Spouses, too: in dirty noir people are rarely faithful and/or are usually clueless when they are being cuckolded. Have fun with it.

8. Sex, again. Look, people have sex, all the time. If all the walls and the curtains in the world were suddenly removed and you could fly above any city in a helicopter, that is basically all you would see–people fucking and/or masturbating (or, thinking about having sex or masturbating, or, just having finished with a sexual act, or, about to engage in a sexual act). Some of it legitimate, marital, consensual, and lots of it immoral and even illegal. Knowing this fact, include it in your books and stories whenever possible. And, again, don’t be shy–show that shit as it really is, give details. Why the fuck not? It’s 2013 for Christ-sakes. But, be warned, no one will thank you for this. (I doubt anyone will thank me for this list.)

9. Oh, and crime, I almost forgot. A crime or crimes must be a central element of the main plot. No-brainer, right? Still, it needed to be said.  It’s good if the book is mostly about criminals doing crimes, but it is also nice to have regular civilians do crimes, even the worse kind of crimes, especially if it is related to one or another of their horrible compulsions.

10. Try to have all characters–even the most minor–be bad, awful, conniving, etc. in some way. In the world of dirty noir everyone is bad and everyone is out to get everyone else.  They just can’t help it. The world is dark, and it is very very dirty.

Review: Crossfire (Camaro #2) by Sam Hawken

 

It’s a testament to how much I enjoy these Camaro Espinoza novels that as soon as I saw that Mr. Hawken had put out a new one, I bought it immediately. Then, as soon as I finished the Winslow book I was in the middle of (Dawn Patrol) I began reading Crossfire right away. What I’m trying to say is that it jumped to the top of my TBR queue. Boom. And my TBR list can beat up your TBR list any day.

Palabra.

Okay, so Crossfire is the second novella in Hawken’s Camaro series. (I reviewed the first one, Camaro Run, here.) And, like that first one, #2 is just a perfect little tale of crime, action, violence, and death. There are no wasted words–no long boring descriptions of stuff (there are descriptions of stuff but they are short and interesting).

Hawken keeps things moving and he keeps things interesting. Any words/sentences/paragraphs/chapters that aren’t about the basic plot of the story just aren’t in  this book because Hawken is sweet enough to leave all that shit out.

Plus, he has created a wonderful character in Camaro Espinoza. She is strong, brave, capable, wise, and intelligent while at the same time being a cold killer and a thief. From her time in the military she not only knows how to fight and shoot, but, since she was a medic she can also heal (giving her a touch of the feminine, I think). Plus, she is beautiful and hot and the mental picture I get of her riding around the country on back of her Harley Davidson Heritage Softail Classic in a t-shirt and jeans with her honey-brown hair blowing in the wind is sexy as hell. (That’s not kinky is it?)

This book takes off where the last one ended, and, it looks like number three will be a further continuation. I like this. It is totally worth it to spend $1.99 each time a new one comes out to be able to keep reading Camaro’s story.

Camaro is being chased by very bad people. She goes to New Orleans to see her sister, who also winds up in a situation where other, separate, very bad people are descending on her pathetic little family. I am very impressed by the way Hawken orchestrates how all this ends — it is a crime/action-lover’s dream.

Have you watched TV shows like Breaking Bad and Banshee? You know, shows about crime and criminals and violence where every scene just pops and amazes and often leaves you stunned? That experience is what I am reminded of when reading these books. See what I mean? How much fun does that sound, right?

Video of me reading Heritage Classic — will the fun EVER stop?

Yes! For the dozen of you that follow me and this site, here is a compelling YouTube video of me reading my story Heritage Classic, one of the 23 stories that are available in my book Criminal Love and Other Stories.

More to come, I think.

 

Short Review: A Wind of Knives by Ed Kurtz

 

Yes this book is original, dark, and shocking. And, very fun to read.
I love westerns — when they are good. Problem is, most of the them aren’t very good. But when they are good, man, they are so good.
So, when I realized this book was a western (I didn’t know it when I started it) and the opening chapter just ROCKED, I was very excited.
But, (and this is one of those rare positive buts) it isn’t the usual western. Sure, there are horses and guns and romance and Comanches and Texas Rangers and cowboys and guns and gunfights and stuff like that. And, like so many westerns, the whole thing is a revenge story.
However, this is not the usual story. First, the main character is trying to avenge the death of his dead ranch hand with whom he was having a hot sexual love affair, and, second, the revenge doesn’t quite work out as perfectly as usual in the genre.
That said, I found this divergence from the usual both compelling and exciting.
I highly recommend A Wind of Knives.

Yes, it’s paradise, but jeez …. come on!

It is 11 a.m. Hawaii time. At 4 p.m. I am supposed to call my job to find out if they decided to fire me or not.

I’m pretty sure they will.

According to the manager, they’ve been waiting over the past three weeks to see if I’d settle down, adjust, and blend in with the job — and stop making so many freaking mistakes. Last night he admitted that it didn’t seem like that was happening. Plus, when I told him that the TV Celebrity Chef who runs the place and whose name is on the sign gives me looks like “he wants to kill me,” he replied: “Yes, he does.”

The job is SO perfect for me right now too. Just four or five shifts a week (and the shifts only last five hours at the most) is plenty of money to help support our lifestyle right now. And, the thing is, when I only have two or three tables I am great: no mistakes, and my customers love me. (I swear!) But, when it gets busy and I get hit with six or seven tables at once I just get confused and nervous and start pushing the wrong buttons on the POS system, causing the wrong food to be made and thus wasted, which leads to the vehement anger of the chef.

So, it’s true I do suck a lot of the  time and, I seem to especially suck just when the Chef is nearby.

What else?

When I got here I realized that my California Driver’s License expired on my birthday (July 4). So, on July 2 I went to the DMV to get a Hawaii DL. I took my SS card and my CDL. Ooops. Turns out they require a birth certificate as well, which I don’t have and haven’t had for years and years. I went home and called Santa Barbara County about getting a copy and found that that process will take several weeks. So, today, I have no valid DL or ID. And, when the paper work comes for the birth certificate, my signature has to be notarized. But, don’t notaries require a valid non-expired identification like a DL in order to notarize a signature? Plus, when I get fired today and go out Monday to find a new job and get hired, I’ll need to present a combination of documents to prove I am legal to work —  a combination I temporarily do not have.

There is more.

We brought two cars over here. These cars still have CA plates. In order to get Hawaii plates they have to pass a state safety inspection before I go to the DMV to get them registered. So far, each car has required a minimum of $200 each in repairs (cracks in front and rear lights) and the shop had to send to the mainland for the parts. Still waiting. So, now, if the police notice that we’ve been here over a month with no inspection sticker and no Hawaii tags — big expensive trouble.

Different type of news:

Yesterday afternoon when I got home from the disastrous you-are-about-to-get-fired shift, I decided to publish a book. Not because I thought I’d make enough to replace my job (though hopefully I’ll earn some money), but because I wanted to do some creative work that felt like ME. I took all of my short fiction–published and unpublished–from the past year and made them all into an 80-page book. I designed a cover using a perfect photo Rebecca had taken of a Modesto Street scene and then — boom, I published it for Kindle at about 2 a.m.

Problem is, I misunderstood the instructions and the programs and the thing is all fucked-up. Are you detecting a pattern here?  The title on the cover looks stupid and my name isn’t even there. Plus, the table of contents has no page numbers or links to the stories. But, once I fix these things it will be fine and up for sale for Kindle for $2.99. And, I will fix it and I’m not going to fire myself as writer/editor/publisher.

I’m just too good a guy.

Review: Camaro Run, by Sam Hawken

I just loved this novel. (I guess at 93 pages it might technically be called a novella, but it sure felt full-length and complete in every way).

Remember I reviewed Hawken’s Juarez Dance back in February and I loved it too but I went on and on about how surprised I was that not much happened plot-wise throughout most of the book, yet it was still very interesting and captured my attention from the first page? Well, that is not the case with Camaro Run — this book is all about plot, movement, action. Things happen constantly and there is no time to pause or take a breath, the reader can only read and then watch as the action appears in his or her mind’s eye. The writing is just so visually striking.

I love the character of Camaro Espinoza and look forward to reading more about her (Hawken is creating a series of books staring this character and this is the first one so far). She is beautiful and cool and smart and heroic and good. She rides across the desert and the streets of Las Vegas on a Harley Heritage Softail Classic (the same bike I once owned!). A chance and random sexual interlude happens right away and leads to horrible danger for Camaro that immediately involves a female police detective (another great character) and vicious and very scary Mexican drug cartel thugs. Boom.

See what I mean: lovely woman on Harley/Vegas/gambling/sex/theft/murder/threats of horrible violence/flight from criminals and the law — constant movement and excitement.

With Juarez Dance I also complained about numerous typos (which were subsequently fixed). With this book I only noticed one proofing error. One. Not too bad, I’d say.

I think that someone in Hollywood needs to read these Camaro books and create either a movie or a Showtime/HBO/Cinemax-type TV series based upon this character. That would be very very good.