Yes, it’s paradise, but jeez …. come on!

6 Jul


It is 11 a.m. Hawaii time. At 4 p.m. I am supposed to call my job to find out if they decided to fire me or not.

I’m pretty sure they will.

According to the manager, they’ve been waiting over the past three weeks to see if I’d settle down, adjust, and blend in with the job — and stop making so many freaking mistakes. Last night he admitted that it didn’t seem like that was happening. Plus, when I told him that the TV Celebrity Chef who runs the place and whose name is on the sign gives me looks like “he wants to kill me,” he replied: “Yes, he does.”

The job is SO perfect for me right now too. Just four or five shifts a week (and the shifts only last five hours at the most) is plenty of money to help support our lifestyle right now. And, the thing is, when I only have two or three tables I am great: no mistakes, and my customers love me. (I swear!) But, when it gets busy and I get hit with six or seven tables at once I just get confused and nervous and start pushing the wrong buttons on the POS system, causing the wrong food to be made and thus wasted, which leads to the vehement anger of the chef.

So, it’s true I do suck a lot of the  time and, I seem to especially suck just when the Chef is nearby.

What else?

When I got here I realized that my California Driver’s License expired on my birthday (July 4). So, on July 2 I went to the DMV to get a Hawaii DL. I took my SS card and my CDL. Ooops. Turns out they require a birth certificate as well, which I don’t have and haven’t had for years and years. I went home and called Santa Barbara County about getting a copy and found that that process will take several weeks. So, today, I have no valid DL or ID. And, when the paper work comes for the birth certificate, my signature has to be notarized. But, don’t notaries require a valid non-expired identification like a DL in order to notarize a signature? Plus, when I get fired today and go out Monday to find a new job and get hired, I’ll need to present a combination of documents to prove I am legal to work —  a combination I temporarily do not have.

There is more.

We brought two cars over here. These cars still have CA plates. In order to get Hawaii plates they have to pass a state safety inspection before I go to the DMV to get them registered. So far, each car has required a minimum of $200 each in repairs (cracks in front and rear lights) and the shop had to send to the mainland for the parts. Still waiting. So, now, if the police notice that we’ve been here over a month with no inspection sticker and no Hawaii tags — big expensive trouble.

Different type of news:

Yesterday afternoon when I got home from the disastrous you-are-about-to-get-fired shift, I decided to publish a book. Not because I thought I’d make enough to replace my job (though hopefully I’ll earn some money), but because I wanted to do some creative work that felt like ME. I took all of my short fiction–published and unpublished–from the past year and made them all into an 80-page book. I designed a cover using a perfect photo Rebecca had taken of a Modesto Street scene and then — boom, I published it for Kindle at about 2 a.m.

Problem is, I misunderstood the instructions and the programs and the thing is all fucked-up. Are you detecting a pattern here?  The title on the cover looks stupid and my name isn’t even there. Plus, the table of contents has no page numbers or links to the stories. But, once I fix these things it will be fine and up for sale for Kindle for $2.99. And, I will fix it and I’m not going to fire myself as writer/editor/publisher.

I’m just too good a guy.

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